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My Marriage is Ending - What do I do now?

When you find out you are getting divorced, it can come as a shock, or you might have known it was coming. You may have children, or you may be older or younger in age. Divorce happens for all kinds of reasons to all kinds of people in all kinds of situations.

When you got married, you spent many hours planning: the dress, the ceremony, the guest list. Your friends and family were probably a big part of celebrating your marriage.

When your friends and family find out you are separated or getting divorced, it’s possible to feel isolated or disapproved of, and friends and family might be staying away, because they don’t know what to say or they may be flooding you with biased advice. You might feel a bit lost. Don’t let this get in the way of making important decisions.

Believe it or not, you will have to put on those same planning shoes when going through a divorce, especially if you want to have the best outcome. It might hurt hard right now, there is confusion and you might be just getting by. The planning that you do will be important, in the sense that it will determine your personal and financial future, and in many cases your children’s future.

Do you want the house, or do you want to sell it? How much money do the two of you have in 401Ks? What does your credit look like? Will you be sharing custody of your children? Will you need to go back to work? Do you need insurance?

These are difficult questions and no one feels prepared. Believe it or not, hiring a financial planner and a good family therapist is as important as hiring the right divorce attorney. They can help you move forward with overwhelming emotions and with the tools to make the right decisions.

Annie married when she was 22, out of college, married Don and worked to educate him through dental school. She worked in his dental practice early on and raised the children and they eventually hired someone to work in the practice to replace her. Annie found herself married to someone very controlling, and she resented giving up a career in social work to help him launch his practice. Mistakes were made in the marriage and she couldn’t forgive Don for them. After her children were grown, she moved out and told Don she was leaving him.

They had a big large custom home in the town they were from, and Don wanted the house, he hired a financial strategy planner to help him figure out what to do. He offered to buy another house for Annie during the separation as a way to split up the estate. Don made a good deal of money per annum, but it had been spent on a nice lifestyle and sending three kids to private colleges, there was not alot of money saved up for a divorce settlement.

Annie could not make up her mind about him buying her a house, she kept running away from everything and this situation went on for about a year while they were separated. Don moved on emotionally and when the divorce came through he did not offer to buy Annie a house anymore, and since she couldn’t make the payments on their large mortgage, he got the family home in the divorce. She wanted her children to still consider that their home too, so she gave it to him.

Annie then moved in with her parents, she started working as a social worker in an entry level job for $20K per year, she had to use her parent’s credit to cosign for her to buy a house. Annie’s divorce settlement was about $800K but that was for her retirement. Her ex husband, as a dentist made abou $800K per year so his retirement future was covered.

When asked about her divorce, Annie says “The dumbest thing I did was to not let Don buy me a house when he offered, as I would have no house payment now. My salary barely pays the mortgage, and I have no credit history. I don’t regret leaving Don, I am free from him and I can start a new life. I made mistakes because I didn’t talk to someone with a divorce or financial background when it mattered.”.

There is evidence that the best divorce financial settlements are made within the first six months of divorcing after separation.

If you are going through this be sure to look at your financial options, before you get to divorce court. Parting Ways has solutions for you with many aspects of divorce planning, as well as a class that you can take to move you through the separation process emotionally. We know how it feels and we would like to help you!

Parting Ways Help - for more info contact

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